not_a_troll | IC Appointments [Luceti]

[It's the next day when he manages to meet up with the younger Loki, catching him in the kitchen of the apartment.]

Hey. You wanted to talk?

[Loki has made a particular interesting mess of the counter and the sandwich he produced is nothing compared to it.

Yet he turns around as if nothing has happened.]

Aye. That would be a wise thing to do.

[He moves to plop the sandwich on a plate.]

I am curious what happened in your realm...or universe. What my older self has done, why he has done what he did, what he has done to you and more so...what he has done to Thor.

[That universe should have a Thor.]

As you can hear...I am full of questions. And I am so very fond of asking questions, you see?

[He's not sure how someone can make so much mess just putting a sandwich together but apparently Loki has managed it. Clint goes to sit down at the table, still not entirely comfortable with any Loki, but this one is still a kid and hasn't hurt him.]

I was getting that impression, yeah.

[He gives a small smile and tries to sort out his thoughts.]

I know bits and pieces. I've not spoken to Thor directly, but I was there when he came to Earth the first time. I guess... it's simpler if I explain what the other Loki did to me. I was kind of there for that.

If that works?

[He moves to sit across Clint while chewing on his sandwich and smiles in a reassuring way.]

I hate answering questions, though. So very, very tedious, you see?

[Loki waits patiently.]

To begin with, yes.

[He raises an eyebrow at that, giving a bland smile.]

Can't say I'm a big fan myself. Usually involves someone holding a gun to my head, y'know.

[He sits back, wetting his lips before he begins.]

I'd been assigned guard duty for the last few months. There's a... a cube. The Tesseract. Glowing blue thing, about the size of my palm. There was a theory that they could use it as an energy source. I was security.

The cube went crazy. It's meant to open a door through space. someone opened it from the other side.

And Loki came through.

He had a spear, a sceptre. He attacked us. I fought back. He grabbed me, pressed the spear against my chest. 'You have heart' he said, and next thing I know... I'm his. Heart mine and soul. If he'd told me to put my gun to my head and shoot myself, I would've done it.

[Loki reaches out to pat Clint's arm briefly, a warm smile on his face and meaning only half of it.]

I understand. That is why I am so very thankful you are willing to answer them, you see?

[After that he shifts on his chair and starts plucking at his sandwich while Clint talks. Mindcontrol...? A Tesseract..?]

He has abused your knowledge as a security guard to escape, yes? Such a dreadful thing to do.

[And, for some reason it sounds exactly like something his older self, his own older self would do as well.]

And what happens next?

[He tensed a little when Loki touched him. He barely knew the kid and wasn't inclined to trust him any more than strictly necessary.]

He made me gather an assault force, supplies. Because of him, I attacked my own people, my allies. My friends. I helped him. I told him everything I knew, things I would normally have died to protect.

Then he brought an army down on New York. The Chitauri. Attacked a civilian population.

And I made it possible.

[Loki notices how the other tenses at the touch and pulls his hand back immediately.]

Ah, very sorry.

[He continues eating his sandwich instead while listening closely. In a sense everything sounds like what his own older self probably would do as well. The abuse of people's minds, turning them against their friends.

He is not quite sure if a sceptre would be involved... He is not quite sure what to think about this. Because what is right? Showing understanding for his older self and his feelings? But what should he understand in the first place?

Loki taps his fingers on the table. Oh, how everything just got so very complicated.]

At most it is a very unfortunate turn of events, but not something you have to blame yourself for. I am ninety-six percent sure your friends and allies do not blame you either. Ninety-six is a lot.

Do not beat yourself up over it, yes?

[And that also raises the next question.]

Why?

[He offers a small smile.]

It's okay. I'm just not a fan of physical contact at the best of times.

[And these were not the best of times.]

Oh, I know that logically. I wasn't in control of my actions. Doesn't change that I killed my own people, sold out my best friend. Believing that it's not something to blame myself for is a lot more difficult.

[He's silent for a long moment when Loki asks for the 'why' of his older self's actions. There are things that he suspects but doesn't know, things that he's not even sure are real or just some strange side-effect of the Tesseract and the sceptre.]

He said he wanted to conquer Earth, to rule it. Make it his own little Kingdom. I wasn't exactly in a position to question it.

I think it's because he feels he's been wronged by Thor. And some stuff happened in Asgard a while back, when Thor first came to Earth. I do know Loki sent a thing called the Destroyer to attack a town in New Mexico.

[Loki merely smiles at that but does not respond.]

Then you maybe have to ask yourself the following: 'have I been committing such acts fully conscious?' or 'have I been committing such acts because Loki put a spell on my brain?'

[He figures that it is important to stay as rational as possible regarding this.]

It does not add up. What he does here does not match up with the mayhem and destruction he has caused on Midgard. It makes me wonder...where is the catch? I wonder if we are in grave danger or that he is willing to change his ways.

Yet, he shows no remorse about what he has done. It might all be a lie...and we are all falling for it. Or...more...he is lying to himself.

[He tries to distance himself from this but it is difficult.

Loki grins slightly at the mention of the Destroyer. So it does exist in his older self's universe as well...]

I do not think it is Thor's fault that Asgard favors him over my older self. I do not think Thor is to blame.

I think it are the lies that have been told to him. Promises of a crown, treated as an equal while no one has ever told him that he hails from Jotunheim.

[Loki rubs his forehead since his head hurts a bit. He is not even sure if he is entirely right.]

Basically, the god of lies has been living a lie, yes? Therefore he punishes Asgard for lying to him. He wishes to prove himself, yet he lies to himself that he does not need their praise, their approval, their acceptance.

While, basically, it is all he craves.

[Loki looks up again, completely forgetting about how the contents of his sandwich are dripping onto his shirt. He has to crack this code properly... If only one would provide an opening.]

Edited 2013-01-10 16:56 (UTC)

[It seems like an easy question. For most people, it might have been. But it's not that easy when there's the constant niggling doubt at the back of your mind, one which knows exactly how quick and easy the planning was because you've thought about it before, and knows that once you might actually have considered it for the right price.

His mouth goes dry at Loki's mention of some greater threat and no, he doesn't want to think about that, doesn't want to consider it.]

No reason it can't be both.

[He glances up at Loki when he speaks, lips pressed into a tight line.]

I don't think it's Thor's fault either, although his first showing wasn't exactly noble and harmless. But family is... family is complicated. Family lies.

[And he hates that so much of that sounds so familiar.]

[Loki puts the sandwich away. A finger idly brushing the stain on his shirt. He does not wish to go into details about how Loki's would think about things, it would probably give away too much about himself as well. And Loki is rather keen on his own privacy.]

Question is...what will he choose? His sanity or,...his own destruction and thus that of others?

[He looks at Clint while he speaks.]

Thor can be rather brash. The All-Father has never lied to me. As a matter of fact they are rather keen on telling me I do not hail from Asgard. Honestly, they might overemphasize on that part, you see?

Edited 2013-01-12 19:01 (UTC)

Well, considering what he threw at New York, I'm not inclined to be sympathetic.

[Clint looks back impassively.]

So what, they went the opposite way with you?

The only family you can trust is the one you choose yourself.

Frankly, I am confused, Clint Barton. It is a rather unsettling feeling.

[For a moment he start plucking on his sandwich again.]

It has never been a secret to begin with.

[He shrugs.]

Trust is a very weighty thing and not easily given. Not even to the family of choice.

Welcome to adulthood. I spend most of my life being confused.

Which is why my chosen family is very small and my blood family doesn't even feature in my life.

Ah, I rather stay away from adulthood for a while, yes?

[Loki leans forward a little.]

I do not remember my blood relatives. My father used to be the ruler of Jotunheim, I am not even sure if he lives or not. My mother...I know even less about.

Besides my name there is no reason why you should not trust me, Clint Barton.

Edited 2013-01-15 11:53 (UTC)

Childhood isn't a defense against the world.

[Was this family sharing time now?]

Mine are dead. All of them.

[He shakes his head when Loki says he should trust him.]

I trust two people. Neither of them are here. It's nothing personal.

The world is not the thing I wish to defend myself against.

[He listens and nods shortly.]

My condoleances.

[That is completely something Loki expects and nah, no big deal at all. He trusts one person, and she's not in Luceti either.]

I am not offended, Clint Barton. Why would I be?

In the end, that's all there is.

[He shrugs, face carefully blank.]

Don't worry about it. It was a long time ago. Difficult to feel sad for the death of someone who hated you.

[A lie. Very much a lie. But one that he's perfected for the most part.]

Most people expect you to trust them after an hour of knowing them. Guess that's what friendship is like in the world of normal people. Easily given, easily taken away.

[Loki shakes his head.]

I disagree. And I have a variety of reasons why I disagree with that. But I shall just limit those reasons to just one. Because how could one face the world, when one cannot face themselves first, yes?

Oh, I do not worry. I am merely sympathizing with your loss.

[Loki looks at Clint, not quite sure if he's lying or not. And even if it would be a lie, there are probably reasons for him to lie about such a thing.]

Friendship and trust are very connected with eachother. If there is no trust the friendship probably is not one of a great kind.

But then again, friendship is a surprisingly tricky and complicated matter.

I know plenty of people who've managed to do that. [There have been days he can't even look at himself in the mirror, but he still goes out and faces the world.]

It wasn't a loss.

[And he sounds like the most callous bastard ever, he's sure, but he can't deny he's probably doing more now than he ever would have had his parents not died.]

Trust isn't easily given. It has to be earned.

[Loki taps his chin, his eyebrows furrowing while he thinks.]

I do agree on the fact that the world can be quite dangerous. But if a person is not up for facing it, and thus faking to be able to face it. Wouldn't it make that harder? Painful, even.

Then is shall consider it as such. Not a loss.

[For a moment he thinks about Thor and notices he still misses him. Even now he's here, in a complete different realm, surrounded by completely different people.

Thor is his brother...and the one who truly wanted him to return to Asgard.]

Aye, trust does not come free. But even without trust, people can bond. And trust will develop itself between them.

[Clint shrugs in response. He's done it. A lot of people have done it.]

You do whatever it takes to keep going for one more day. If that means putting on your game face even when you feel like breaking, that's what you do.

[And hoped you retained enough of yourself to do it all again the next day.]

Yeah, sometimes it does.

Eventually you will break. It is up to you to decide if you allow yourself to break.

[Loki sits back in his chair, observing Clint closely and when he has done so he smiles broadly.]

It is an absolute pleasure to talk with you, Clint Barton.

Sometimes you don't get a choice.

[He endures the scrutiny, raising an eyebrow when Loki grins at him. He lets out a harsh bark of laughter.]

Liar.

IC Appointments [Luceti]

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