not_a_troll | 2. [video]/[action]

[Video]
[When the feed turns on Loki is obviously sitting on his bed, looking intently at whoever is listening. The message he has for everyone is of great importance after all. Finally he opens his mouth, voice firm.]

Land of Luceti! There is something that has come to my attention and I see it as my duty to enlighten you about this, yes?

[He leans closer to the screen because this is a most serious matter, everyone.]

I shall tell you my name and then I shall explain you what usually follows.

My name is Loki...

[He pulls a face and when he continues his voice is higher as if he is mimicing a woman.]

Oh my! Your name is Loki! Shall I tell you about this other Loki who is also most definitely Loki?

[After that Loki clears his throat.]

Land of Luceti, I am very aware of my older self's presence, you see? It pains me to see how everyone wastes their time on pointing that out to me every time I mention my name.

[He smiles a broad and very, very nice smile.]

If there are any questions, please let me know. I am very fond of answering questions, yes?

[That is a lie.]

[Action
[Later that day Loki heads out to the forest to do some exploring. He still hopes to find his way back to Asgard, even though his opinion about this village and some of its inhabitants is leaning towards a more positive one.

He plans to go more in the direction of those mountains when something gray, firebreathing and extremely foulmouthed catches his attention. Actually, he is very ~~pleasantly~~ surprised.]

By Odin's empty eyesocket! Thori!

[Loki turns away from the small path he has been following into the bushes to fetch his beloved dog and scratch it between its ears. After that he lifts the dog up and holds it in his arms.

The dog lets its disapproval known by letting out an impressive amount of profanities. Loki merely shakes his head.]

Hush, Thori, you are a good dog, remember?

[Loki has left this letter for Asch to read. Neatly typed on a typewriter.]

To Asch the Bloody,

I am very delighted that I got the honour to write a man whose last name is "The Bloody". It implies that one is a bloodthirsty murderer who likes to end the lives of his victims in a most bloody way.

Are you fond of bloody murder, Asch the Bloody? I find it rather gross. After all, bloodstains are quite difficult to remove from one's clothing. And it is unnecessary messy.

Do enlighten me about your bloody adventures, Asch the Bloody. I am most interested!

From: Loki Laufeyson, apartmentbuilding 5, room 25.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Ah, Thori has been such a good dog indeed and Loki grins.]

We are not even at all. It is foolish to think we are, you see?

[Loki shakes his head.]

I have send the chee-gal back to your home. I am very sure you can find it sitting on your doorstep waiting for you.

In the meanwhile, Thori is still...gone.

[Is he supposed to feel bad? Because he really doesn't.]

Until I get to my house and see him on my doorstep, he's still gone, too. Which means we're in the same situation.

[It's not his fault your dog is an idiot, what do you expect him to do about it 8|]

Fine, Asch the Rather Large Scumbag. I shall accompany you to your house and prove that I am not lying.

And with that I shall also prove the magnitude of your evil intentions.

[He's just going to start ignoring the nicknames, they're pissing him off.]

Evil intentions, after you kidnapped my cheagle?

[What the hell kind of logic does this kid run on? And why can't he escape B|]

[Loki rolls his eyes.]

You lost my dog, I kept your chee-gel. It is quite easy, really. Now I have returned your chee-gel, I wish to see Thori.

[Loki-logic, it is the best logic.]

Otherwise I have to commit most evil deeds of evil that will be aimed at your person, Asch the Not Quite Bright One.

Edited (forgot a word :B) 2012-11-14 10:44 (UTC)

You kept my cheagle first, Loki of the Selective Memory. And I released your dog first. It's not my responsibility when your pet is too stupid to come home. Maybe you should have spent more time training him before you decided to send him out on errands.

So the big question actually is: who was first, right? I have returned your animal first, you released my dog first. And since I have returned something first, I figure you would complete the exchange by giving my dog back second.

Thori is a good dog. And I trust him.

If he's so trustworthy then wait for him to come home on his own and leave me be. That's all you did with Star- you didn't return him, you released him. I did the same. The exchange is over.

You are truly a bag of douches. If I was evil you would be the first to suffer my wrath, you see. And one would not want to suffer the wrath of Loki.

[Even though, well, bag of douches or not, the other had a good point. Maybe Thori was a good dog in general, but definitely not right now.]

I require a new door as well.

This whole area's self-repairing- you'll have a new door by tomorrow.

[He ignores the insult and the threat - seriously, from a kid? It's not worth his time - and moves to leave again. Screw this whole stupid penpal thing, seriously.]

[Wait...wait, what?]

This place is alive?

[Could it just regenerate a door out of nothing? He forgets about the general hostility and anger he feels towards Asch the Incredible Bag of Douches for a moment.]

Or will these Malnosso come to repair damage by themselves?

It's not...

[Ugh. Newcomers, so clueless.]

No one repairs it. It just... happens. Destroyed houses are rebuilt overnight, broken areas fixed like magic. It's how things work here.

Well, if they will send me one of those dreaded bills, I will make sure to re-send it to your house, Asch the Boring.

[Interesting..., though.]

And there will be a note attached to it where I point out that you are quite an...ass-hole. I think being named after the hole where poop comes out befits you greatly.

[Wow, Loki. So very creative.]

What's boring are your insults. Are you expecting me to be offended by the complaints of a child?

[He's still trying to ragequit this conversation entirely, though. Stupid brat.]

[Indeed, Loki knows his insults.]

Well, I have not been the one barging into one's house while screeching for a creature that is no longer in said house.

[He is still frowning when he shrugs. But if Asch wants to leave Loki will let him, after all finding Thori is going to be a horrible ordeal.]

[The only response Loki gets is a vague, irritable "whatever" as he marches out. He's so done with this.

AND THAT WAS THE LAST LETTER...]

[According to an old Midgardian tradition Loki flips Asch 'the bird'. He is still unsure what his middle finger has to do with flipping a bird but according to many people it is a rude gesture.

And Asch deserves many rude gestures right now, so he adds the middle finger of his other hand as well

Just so that they are clear...]