not_a_troll | 6. [action/text]

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6. [action/text]

[Loki is up at a ridiculous early hour. He hurries to post a message on the corkboard and after that he hurries back into his room to rummage through his stuff and not wake Thor. When it is about sleepovers of a most epic kind Loki needs to come prepared, of course. He figures there might be blankets and a pillow so at least he does not have to drag that all through town.

He picks out some books, some clothes, grabs the notebook where he hid that weird note he has scribbled that one time he cannot remember. He is humming a song to distract him from the fact that he is more confused than anything right now. He has not been able to speak to Leah after their visit to the spa. He has been quite successful in avoiding her, actually, especially since the effect of the chocolates did not fade like they should. Still, sometimes he still peeked out of the window at nights to see if she was sitting there like she always did. Habits never really die easily, after all.

And that is where this epic sleepover comes in! And feel free to bump into him as he is running up and down floor five, making a mess of the kitchen or being far too loud during the morning.]

[Well, Loki arrives at House 44 quite on time. He's holding a bag filled with books and another bag with clothes. Really, the god of mischief is not one for many luggage.]

Hello! Hello! Hello! I have come for the great sleepover!

[He is waving to anyone who might spot him standing underneath a window or in front of the door. And of course he'll knock the door a couple of times for emphasis.]

[Written]

Dearest land of Luceti,

Since the great feast of Valentine has passed us I think it is an excellent time to assess eachother's experiences during this great feast. Have you been able to achieve great love through my excellent advices? Have you been able to make out with the tongues? Or did you even got the time to rut? After all, the feast of Valentines is an excellent opportunity for such acts of pleasure.

Dr. L. Laufeyson is once again open for all your remarks, suggestions, questions, assumptions, ideas, thoughts, opinions, feelings, views, presumptions, analyses, stories, could be's and should be's.

I am most interested in your stories and I shall answer all your questions just as accurate as I have done before, yes?

All the best in the Nine Realms and the like,

L. Laufeyson

PS: Is there anyone else still suffering from the effects from these chocolate treats? I am still rather eager to engage in the act of hugging. :-/

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[Loki contemplates this for a while. It is a difficult stance to take...]

Clove of Panem, I do value your words and your situation. I also appreciate your skill with the knives and the companionship that is steadily growing between us.

What ties us together is the predicament we're in. That is what makes us allies in combat and friends outside the battlefield.

Why do we go into combat for them? Because we have no choice in the matter. They take our friends away and bring them back mutilated and changed. During the battle of Vaskoth, where we met, if I am correct, my best friend had to chop off my head in order to stop me from turning into something hideous. They punished me for dying, taking away my ability to feel warmth.

[There's a long pause before a second message appears. He might as well be honest about it.]

This realm, this village, the bed that is given to us. It is fake. Pretty much like an arena from your Hunger Games.

But then again it depends on one's situation what to make of it. What is here and what will be waiting for you there? Doom and gloom or more positive scenarios?

[It takes her awhile.

She can understand it. Hating the Malnosso. Not wanting to fight. She wants to hate them all, wants to want to be more than she is. But the Academy trained her well. She is a killer, a pack animal, and that's what she will always be. She's able to keep her allies now, and that's progress for her. She can't hate the Malnosso.

And, well. He deserves to know why.

He's been honest with her. She'll be honest with him.

To a degree.

Some things are her secret completely.]

Nothing is waiting for me in Panem. The year I went to the Games, I died.

[What more needs to be said? That answers the question. Too well.]

[Ah. Ah. It is choice between two extremes. This was the extra time they have granted her. Death wasn't the thing he was afraid of, he had other fears, bigger fears...]

I see.

[He is sure Clove of Panem did not do pity. And giving pity would be rather foolish in a situation like this to begin with.]

I understand your point of view, I really do, I really, really do.

Sometimes I also contemplate about what will be waiting for me when I return. There is nothing there and everything is here. My b.f.f. returned, I am not the village's persona non grata, I have oodles of friends.

But they can be taken away. I will dread the moment when another one will leave. It is a foul sort of manipulation.

My

[The word lingers for a short while before she crosses it out. What is Cato to her? Nothing she can define to Loki. He's not a friend, he's more than a lover, and explaining... everything is hard. Because she doesn't understand half of it.]

I have Cato here. He's from my district, and we went into the Games at the same time. He died, too.

I'm always terrified the Malnosso are going to take him away, but it's better here than in Panem. Especially for those of us who died in the Games.

[He understands this and he's nodding at his journal when Clove's message appears.]

May I assume he is your b.f.f.? Just like Leah is my b.f.f.?

Or is he more your b.b.f.?

[He hesitates before continuing.]

I share this fear. The taking away part, that is. It is a complicated matter.

Death will not be waiting for us and dying is not something I fear. It is the seperation. The loneliness. What it can cause.

Aye, it is a second chance.

I don't know what b.f.f. or b.b.f. is, but Cato

[She pauses. Because it makes her think. Makes her ask. What is Cato to her? Really, there's only one answer. Even if she's not usually inclined to be this honest about them. With Loki... on this subject...

She can be.]

Cato's everything to me. District Two, the Arena, the Capitol, Luceti, any enclosure. The place doesn't actually matter. As long as I've got Cato with me, I feel like I have a home, and it's with him.

Then he is your significant other.

[The sandwich he is planning to eat remains untouched now. He stares at the journal for a good five minutes. Of course Cato is not Leah and they are not from a place called District Two. But the sentiment. It matches.

And it makes him realize how good and bad the time they had with eachother at that spa had been. Because having someone like that is a quite amazing thing.]

He is the one you love.

Edited 2013-03-04 21:23 (UTC)

[Significant other.

That term, there. Makes sense. She can accept that term. Because it's true. Cato means a lot to her. He is significant.

But then Loki goes on. Even though he can't see her, she shakes her head.]

I don't love him.

People like us-- The ones raised in District Two's Academy for the Games. We don't love anyone. It's trained out of us early on. Some of us still get married, have families, but it's... different. You learn not to get attached. I learned not to get attached.

If it came down to it, with Cato and me? If I had to choose between saving him and saving myself? I'd save myself. He'd save himself, too. Because that's what we're trained to do. Survive. Not love someone else.

[And, in that moment, she hates it again. It's something that comes and goes, but, right then, she hates herself for it. Because she's too shut off, too distant from everything. There's something fundamentally missing in her. Something she never learned or that was taken from her.

Because no matter what the Malnosso like to let her pretend in shifts, she knows the truth. She and Cato aren't capable of love.]

[Loki chews on his pencil while reading. It is quite contradicting but whatever she has learned at the Academy for Games, whatever they had planted inside her head...it could not be the only truth or the only way to live.]

Just because you do not know the great sentiment of love anymore does not mean it is not there.

I am sure you do not wish to end him. Academies and Games of Hunger aside, you do not wish to burn down your home. Take away your safety. Leave him to die. Because if you would, you would hate yourself, yes?

And there are no Academies here and there is no great survival game. This is the second chance, the extra time. To right all wrongs. To mend what has been broken. To fill what has been empty.

[Loki would have never expected that this would hit home so much.]

Edited 2013-03-04 22:08 (UTC)

I don't want to kill him. Or leave him to die.

But I know I would. If it was a life or death decision, I'd choose to save my life every time. Even if he died. Because that's what is most important to me. That I live.

I can rebuild a life without him. I can be alone. Sure, I don't want to be. But I can. He doesn't matter so much to me that I can't live without him.

[I'm not Twelve.

More than ever, she envies Katniss. Envies everyone who knows what that feels like. She resents Lover Boy. Hates what he told her -- that he'd die to save Katniss. No one would ever feel that way about her, and she'd never feel that way about anyone. Even with Cato, when it comes down to it, she's alone.

They'll turn on each other if the Malnosso ever make that a condition. If this Arena changes, if the rules resemble Panem's later. They'll go as far as they can together, then they'll do what they have to. They'll be Career tributes from District Two. Because that's all they really are. Luceti's adding a few layers, disguising that nature. But she knows. They both know.

They are still what they have always been. In a crisis, that is what will come out. What will command them.]

We're not like other people.

Clove, your way of thinking remains a mystery to me. Your statements contradict eachother greatly. Therefore I shall leave it with 'significant other', yes? To avoid further confusion and breaking of the brains.

[Though, there is a part of him that agrees with this. He can be alone as well, he can sacrifice the life of his own brother to save others, he can push aside his own feelings if it might benefit others. The same others that dislike him and pummel him frequently because of acts he cannot remember doing. If they do not try to kill him instead.

And maybe that is why he values the friendships he has so much. Because it is something he never could have. Leah had filled up that emptiness by staying at his side and give him her trust.

And so...]

I would trust my significant other with my life. She is not one for friendly chatter. But she is here and she always has been in the past. Therefore I shall protect her at all costs.

[Yes, that is it. At all costs. He nods at the journal.]

And I would not doubt that if we ever face eachother on a battlefield as opposites, you will try to kill me. And so be it. Dying is not one of my fears, killing another is not one of your fears.

But for now, let us just enjoy one another's company and friendship, right? After all, I have been the one that has introduced you to the many sides of Midgardian silly string.

[At all costs.

So like Peeta and Katniss.

Everything the two tributes from District Two could never be. Not that anyone would understand, would know what the Academy was like, how they were taught.]

If we end up on different sides in battle, no mercy. Until then, we'll get along with our lives.

No mercy, I promise.

Until then, we'll be the best of friends, yes? Yes. I think this is an acceptable deal.

[Loki is not one for killing others to begin with.]

Something like that.

[She won't tell him again that she doesn't have friends. That she only has allies. She won't drive that point home. Not right now.]

Something like that and the like. :-)

Please come by one day so I can brighten your day with shaken milk. I am still in the process of combining the delights of shaken milk with bacon. Your significant other is most welcome to come along.

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